It happens sometimes words said nonchalantly become life lessons for you.
I credit my top mothering lesson to one such casual conversation I was having with one of my BFFs. She is a strong independent woman who has decided to not go the mommy way. Though she is my BFF, I usually don’t have any conversations with her advising her to be or not to be a mom. That’s my no.1 policy if someone asks me whether I recommend motherhood to them or not. I just feel that its such a huge and personal choice that no one else can make that choice easy for them. A woman has to wholly and solely decide to be a mom or not. I just reply to all such questions with simply one line- whichever way you go, make sure you have thought about it, have your logic and reason customized to your situation and weighed all the pros and cons. And of course my biggest guiding force, that you are finally then happy, stress free and on the path to NIRVANA with your decision.
While the women in the West might not relate much to what I am saying, this whole conversation happens so frequently and almost inappropriately in India that I am sure all the Indian women have their eyes glued to the laptop to see where this post is leading. I say “frequently” because we love asking our newlyweds to start reproducing immediately. “Inappropriately” because the most distant relative/stranger can give you detailed advice about getting pregnant if, God forbid, you have crossed the 2 year mark of married life!
And all this crazy pressure was stressing my poor friend out a bit. She was having one of her classical breakdowns where after months of bottling things up inside, she met me and was letting go like a dam had broken inside her. In all her manic upheavals and dramatized recount of events, one sentence she said just stuck to my mind then and forever. “You tell me- am I no longer a woman if I don’t reproduce?”
I am not saying that giving birth is not an important aspect of a woman’s life. In fact, as far as Mother Nature or evolution is concerned; that’s all we are for! However, let’s turn the sentence inside out and see. Are you a woman because you are a mother? NO, isn’t it? “You are a MOTHER because you are a woman!”
And that’s the most important thing to remember.
Being a mother doesn’t make you more of a woman. It doesn’t add an extra ovary in you, does it? Of course, the whole joy and journey (if enjoyed properly) makes you into a much more enlightened person. No denying that!
However, if you forget the real reason as to why this role was bestowed on you there are high chances that you wont be able to play out the role properly in the first place.
The reason I especially picked this topic so early in my blog is a sad fact I came across during researching mom blogs on the internet. If you type “how to raise a happy kid” in Google you get about 1,89,00,000 results and if you ask for “ how to be a happy mom” you again mostly get results for “happy kid” with exception of barely 2-3 hits about actually being a happy mom!!
That’s the beauty and irony of being a woman I think. We get so absorbed as a homemaker, a mom, a daughter or a sister; we tend to put our needs secondary and become just all about the relations we are steering.
We forget to celebrate ourselves!
Hence however contradictory it might sound,
The best way to enjoy your role as a mom is to keep the non-mom in you alive. You are you first! Then a mom.
Celebrate what makes you happy to be a woman. I, for instance, love to wear earrings matched with my clothes. So in order to continue doing that, I figured all I need to do is to pick out and iron my clothes a night before. And keep matched earrings on the nightstand before I sleep. Only a mom knows that waking up at 7:01 instead of 6:59 can wreck your day! So I don’t take a chance that I will have to leave home in a hurry without wearing my earrings. I also know that out of all the tasks I have to do in the morning, if asked to choose, I would give wearing matching earrings least priority. Hence, if I already don’t have them taken out there is a high chance that I will leave home without them.
However, I also know that wearing earrings will make me a happy person. Hence, I just figured out this little way of taking out my earrings the night before and then feel happy about it all of the next day!
Of course this is just a tiny example of celebrating your womanhood (I wish womanhood was all about wearing earrings only though!); but iam sure you get the point Iam trying to make!
Know what makes you tick other than being a mom, and take out time for that! Even if it means 5 minutes!
And then you will be happier in all your maniacal moments during your role as mom
Coz you will then be a NIRVANA-WOMAN-MA!
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