Every mom will vouch for the need of a 50 hour day!
Home, office, kids, groceries, extra classes, bills and bank- all seem to suck the life force out of you.
To top it up, matching the energy of your toddler during his play!
All moms go to bed exhausted, tired and stressed about unwrapping the next day.
Keeping in the flow of previous article that chalked out the top ten tantrums each mom mind throws, lets discuss tantrum # 3 and 4.
- Not getting enough time for other relationship (besides being a mom).
- Not getting enough “me” time
Time is an abstract concept. However, it can be conquered with correct planning and management. Its not about spending each minute of the day planned in advance- a mom knows that you just cant plan your life with that much precision.
However, it is about some basic small pointers that make you sail through the day and get maximum done:
There can be no better service I can give to my fellow moms than the gift of prioritization.
Say for example you have a list that reads such:
- Electricity bill to be paid (due date 1 week from now)
- Kids drawing board to be bought (for a class tomorrow)
- Groceries for the week (not an ounce left in the fridge!!)
- Plan for friend’s bday party (3 days from now)
- Write my blog post for today
- Get car washed
This is actually exactly my list of Thing-to-do right now!
What I would do is keep No.1 priority for- drawing board, groceries and blog post
No. 2 priority- Plan for friend’s bday party (clothes shopping, finding my earrings and shoes, buying a gift for her)
No.3- Electricity bill payment
And car wash would not figure in the list. I would just leave for the friend’s party (due after 3 days ) about an hour early to get the car washed on the way!
Now obviously your list will vary from mine but it’s the psychology behind the prioritization that is common.
Groceries of course are top priority as we wouldn’t have anything to eat for dinner if I don’t shop for them today!
Drawing board and groceries are shops that are nearby so that’s why I club them. And anyway my daughter needs her drawing board tomorrow. So a day in advance would save me a half hour frantic drive just before her class.
Writing a blog is something I need to do to keep me happy. So that’s obviously no.1 priority- being happy!!!
Now let me introduce you to a dark black side of mom psychology that we don’t talk about much but it does exist. And it better. Coz it will make your ride much smoother.
“Being guilt-free”. We all screw up and will do so in the future. But as long as we know we are not harming anyone, let’s remain guiltfree. Now this psychology comes in my favor for prioritizing friend’s party over other things. For my husband getting car washed and paying bill would be far more important than getting my clothes and earrings ready for a party 3 days away!
However I think that even if I miss the bill deadline, all I have to do is pay a little fine. But walking into my friend’s party wearing un-pressed uncoordinated clothes will just do so much damage to my morale! What’s the point of a party if I can’t do what I love doing- dressing up!
And anyway the bill deadline is a week from now. It’s ok.
And the other thing that will go wrong is I might not be able to take out time to get car washed on the way to the party.
Ladies, I can come to a party in a slightly muddy car but I can’t enter the house with uncoordinated earrings!!!
“So, prioritize according to your priorities without feeling guilty”- that’s Mommy-sutra 101
Get rid of your OCD:
Given a choice of course I would love to have a sparkling car, coordinated earrings, no bills due plus a happy and fed baby.
Well if I am day dreaming lets put in being President of India, Robin hood to the poor and no.1 blogger to the mix too!
We all want a perfect life!
However the biggest favor you can do yourself as a mommy is to wish to be alive and happy in an imperfect life than go miserable trying to achieve a perfect one!
So get rid of your OCD.
Leaving a house for a party when the baby has just painted all over your white bedsheets requires a huge blindspot in your head! Have a dedicated blindspot where you just keep dumping things that cant be solved immediately and come back to them later when you have the time.
“Building a mind blind-spot”- Mommy-sutra 102
Club things together:
I like dedicating a day of the week to a particular task.
For example, Tuesday and Saturday are laundry days. Unless I have a wine or a tea stain on some clothes that require immediate attention, I don’t wander near my washing machine or dryer!
Monday and Thursday are grocery days. I stock enough for a few days so that I don’t have to run to the veggie store or supermart every second day.
Believe me, if your kid eats a veggie you bought 3 days ago that was lying in your fridge- he is going to be equally healthy.
Similarly, I have dedicated movie days- Friday. When my daughter is in school I watch the movies I have stocked up over the week.
So instead of doing each task each day. Do one task each day. You will require a bit of planning in advance, but at least you will not replicate the MRI scan of a mad person!
“Each day one task”- Mommy-sutra 103
Take your kid everywhere with you:
I have seen so many couples who isolate themselves from social engagements when they become parents.
He sleeps at 8pm. Sorry we cant come.
It will be too tiring for him. Lets not go.
He is too tiny for outings right now.
There are so many days when you will anyway miss out on social events because your kid is sick or hurt that I feel that you should just jump at the opportunity of an outing the minute you get one!
And train your kid to go out with you. I have taken my daughter for outings and vacations since she was 50 days old! She has seen the spectrum from Mc Donalds to Hard rock café. And places from the beach to the mountains all over India.
Till you don’t take her out you will never know that it’s possible to!
Of course you will have to dedicate some time to your kid and probably not be the wild crazy party gal-but aleast you get to go out.
I see so many parents complaining that all they will do is run around their kid and not enjoy the outing. Actually, I think my daughter is so “used to” being out now that she doesn’t do any attention seeking or treat it as an opportunity to go crazy coz she knows that we are going to be doing an outing again very soon (probably tomorrow). So she is actually way more calm than I am at most outings!!
And secondly, if your kid is running around a little. Let him. I am sure he is just having a bit of fun. Keep an eye on him. But don’t go crazy running after him. If you let your child be, he will also realize that mommy will not leave her friends and come running after him. He will calm down before you imagine!
So don’t just give up saying that you can’t go coz you have a baby now!
You and your kid will miss out on so much fun!
Here is a proof from all over the world…so many mommies cant be wrong-
“Take your baby to Hard Rock café”- Mommy-sutra 104
Learn to do things alone:
I have gone for a coffee, a movie and for shopping alone so many times that I have lost track now. Being married to a navy guy, I am alone with my daughter for 6 months in a year. So I have learnt to enjoy my own company! And its not too bad. I realized I am lot of fun!!!
“I love my company”- Mommy-sutra 105
These are some small little ways to free up time for yourself and enjoy your outing.
Now for the other tantrum “No time for other relations”
There is one and one golden rule for maintaining your other relations as a mom-
People around you (including your family) might be so stressed seeing your stressed day that they don’t ask for your time in the first place. They feel it’s unfair.
So whenever you have the time- initiate.
Call your friend and say, “Hey you free? I am coming for tea to your house!”
Make a whatsapp group of your friends and suggest movie outings or lunch outings. Initiate these plans and push them till the end. Even if means calling other busy moms every second day and reminding them about your plan for movie on Friday.
Be the one to suggest to your partner that you and the baby will catch him up after his office hours and go out for dinner- even if it’s to Mc Donalds!!
And the biggest thing that most moms complain about- sex! Nothing works better in this area also as does INITIATION. You initiate sex. Half the time your partner might be just too scared to suggest it to a tired stressed almost-crazy you in the fear of getting his head snapped off! Trust me, sex is still as enjoyable even if its you who initiated it. And we all know that nothing is a better mood lifter than sex!
“Initiate”- Mommy-sutra 201
These are of course a few pointers. But I hope I have transferred the psyche behind ways to tackle issues and you can come up with customized ways to tackle your own unique issues in these two areas.
Oh, I forgot to tell you the most important Mommy-sutra “SMILE”.
Smile has the down-to-up effect also. We smile when we happy. But if you smile, you will start becoming happy.
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