Not having a social life is the most common complain we have as moms. Add to it struggling all day with your kid and then getting to hear, “I love daddy more!!”
Continuing discussing Mommy Mind Tantrums, lets talk about two more complaints we have as moms- breakdown of social life and baby showering all (visible) love on daddy!
Well, the second part needs to be just laughed about. Obviously your kid doesn’t love you less than dad. In fact stop comparing yourself with dad. You two have two entirely different roles and can’t be weighed as to who is more important for the kid.
Of course, it is unbearably heart-breaking to see your kid pile kisses and kisses on daddy dearest when it is you who has done everything from brushing his teeth, wiping his potty, playing with him, dressing with him, bearing his tantrums, disciplining him, coming up with easy ways to teach him right and wrong and cooked 12 meals to make sure he is eating well.
However, lets just wrap up this tantrum your mind throws with some humor:
Psst….secret….your kid loves you more!!
Now coming to the next top mommy complain- breakdown of a social life.
Actually all our complains arise from a few insecurities, change and frustrations that pile up over the years. Of course mothering is a herculean task with loads of challenges. We have be all that we were not before- patient, kind, sympathetic and smiling in adversity!
At a soul level, I really feel that it is the child who has chosen to be born to us. Out of the millions of families and great homes the soul chooses parents that can make him most happy. Hence, don’t worry. Even if you might not be the most loving, richest, strongest, happiest, coolest mom- you are the best mom to your baby. And that’s all your baby cares for!
Well out of the adjectives used above, let me take out “happiest”. Your happiness is entirely in your hand. And you CAN become the happiest mom. My first post on NIRVANAMA- “I am a happy mom coz I choose to be” spoke about making a conscious decision to be happy.
That’s the first and foremost step to becoming a Nirvana-ma!
Ok! Now once you have decided to be happy the other issues will seems too trivial.
Lets discuss the next mommy tantrum- “breakdown of a social life”
Here are some tips to help you gain back your social life:
Keep your expectations real and practical: Lets stop whining just because we have to. Lets admit it! With your job, family, home and bills- your social life broke down from what is was in your college days long back. So lets not blame the baby!
Agreed you cant get sloshed and wild whenever you wish to. But we can come around that! However going out to a pub/party once a week should be totally doable!
Make a list of what you want from your social life: For gaining back anything, you need to first asses what you have lost.
You have to define what expectations you have from “social life”.
Being a geek all my life, my social life was practically non-existent before I met my hubby in college. And even to date most of my social engagements are about hanging out with his friends and spouses!
My list of what makes me happy and satisfied with a social life is probably meeting up my girl-friends for lunch once a week and having an occasional coffee or two.
On the weekends, I like a long wine session with friends and family but I don’t mind having my wine alone too (don’t we all!!!)
Once I know that one coffee or lunch is enough to lift my spirits, I plan for the week in advance. Since most of my girl friends are mommies too, we try to co-ordinate our baby sitting so that we both can get a few hours to ourselves.
Always have a dress ready: However boring and insignificant my social life expectations might be, I do like to show up dressed. A good way to be “always ready” is to have a dress or two washed and ironed hanging in your cupboard with matching shoes and earrings always kept aside for them. This way, even if I don’t have time on the particular day to get ready, I am sorted ahead of time!
Ignore basic cold and cough: A huge damper can be if your kid is ill on the day you have a date planned with your friends. On the cost of sounding mortifying, I suggest that if there is nothing too life-threatening don’t cancel your date. A minor cough or cold should not be the reason for you not go out and have your “me” time. So don’t feel guilty about it!
If you cant leave them, take them: This is the best advice i can give to prevent breakdown of a social life. In case you cant find a babysitter, dont have time, baby is not too happy about letting you go– TAKE YOUR BABY ALONG! I discussed in detail in my last post how my baby has gone with me from Mc Donalds to Hard Rock cafe that both she and my friends are very comfortable being around each other! Let not your baby pose to be a limitation to your social life. More often than not you will realize you can save your social life even with baby around. Give your baby a chance to prove to you that she will let you have your fun even if you take her along!
Now wasn’t that simple, fun and easy! Two more mommy tantrums out of our way and we are closer to becoming Nirvana-ma!
In our next article I shall discuss the last two (of the ten) mommy tantrums we chalked up earlier.
Share with all your mommy-friends to spread the love and peace. Be a Nirvana-ma and Come join my Happy Mothers Gang!