We all are eager to know how to raise a secure kid. Insecurities in our kids manifests in many ugly ways and has long term implications. Hence as parents we want to go all the way to put insecurities at rest!
What we tend to ignore is a very small basic fact that an intangible thing like insecurities (i.e things that are not majorly spelt out by genetic code like IQ, physical attributes) is mostly passed on sub-consciously. Our attitude and insecurities seep into the child in many ways that we don’t even realize.
Hence, as per me, the best way to raise a calm and secure kid is by becoming a calm and secure mother!
Easier said than done, though! I agree. But, this is the best time to practice and allow some changes in you. As a new mom/young mom, you are driven, passionate and willing to go that extra mile. So why not use it to your benefit?
- Start fresh: The best way to raise a secure mom is to clean your past slate. Start afresh. No matter what you have done or what you might have been subjugated to in the past- leave it behind. You are turning over a new leaf. Forget your past!
- Enjoy smaller victories: Give yourself a pat on the back for smaller victories. Like making a potato dish that your baby gulped down. Taking out an hour in the evening to take your baby to play in the park. Switching off your phone and dancing with your kid for 10 mins.
- Set personal goals too: Whether it’s a small goal like I mentioned in my previous post about wearing matching earrings or a bigger goal like getting fit by joining a zumba class, its important to set personal goals. Start with smaller ones and graduate to long term goals. Becoming a mother doesn’t mean you lose yourself in the process.
- Take advantage of mom instincts: We have been bestowed with a magical sixth sense when we became moms. We just know what our baby is upto. And what he is capable of! If you know that your little one is a fashionista, keep your expensive or favourite lipsticks out of her reach. I only know by experience how we can trip if our fav lipstick is broken!
You know what your child is capable of. You know what makes you mad. Keep the two apart beforehand!
- See the bigger picture: Don’t web a trap of deadly diseases on a single sneeze. Don’t forecast a dark future if your kid doesn’t get an “A” in cursive handwriting! See the bigger picture. We are part of a bigger fabric. If you set your goals at trivial goals like a fancy dress competition or a math exam, you are bringing down your child to think only at that trivial level. Open up your horizons and free your kid too.
- Practise some sort of meditation: I cant emphasize enough on the power of a 10 minute meditation or yoga or “Om” chanting in the morning before taking on the day. It just calms you and gives you a clarity that helps you sail through the day.
- Plan a calm morning: If you know that you have an extra task next morning readjust your alarm to 20 minutes ahead of usual. If you have a hurried rushed frantic morning, its most likely that the rest of the day will unfold like that.
- Make a smile as your natural reaction: I have emphasized time and again that if you walk into a war-ridden room, see red dots all over your baby or are in an argumentative confrontation- smile. And I don’t mean just physically. I mean genuinely. I call it the “mind smile”. It’s a smile that reaches your brain and calms you. That’s a genuine smile. Once you have given yourself 30 sec of “mind smile”, you will be able to take care of the emergency much more proficiently!
- Block negative thoughts and negative people: Stand in front of a mirror every morning and tell yourself “ I don’t need to spend a minute in a place, situation or company that I am not happy or comfortable with.” This will free up a lot of emotional and mental burden for you transforming you into a calm and happy mom!
A secure person is only one that is happy with their place and situation in life. They are individuals who don’t judge or grade themselves in respect with other peoples’ place or situation.
By becoming a secure person, you are becoming a secure mother and in turn raising a secure child!
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