Steering a tad bit away from my regular posts, here is a fun, no-pun intended laid back posts about moms.
There are some stereotypical mom behavior traits that I have compiled in classifying the types of moms that you see. And since Nirvanama always goes a step further….i have ranked them (for fun)…on a “Bhartiya Naari” scale (Ideal Indian woman scale) and a “Nirvanama” scale…ie how much good you are doing in real mothering terms.
Heads up for all the non-Indians who are oblivious to our culture…..the epitome of a “good mother” is who lives only for her kids, runs at every beck and call of her baby, feeds the baby 16 times a day, worries all the time about baby and is all frazzled coz she has no time to change clothes coz she is busy being a “achhi ma” (good mother).
Of course, this post is all about exaggeration which is a literary license I have been issued in order to make this post fun. So please read at your own discretion.
Disclaimer (for those who have already taken offense): No culture or country in the world has bad mothers. Motherhood in itself is a religion that aims only at wanting the best for your kids despite your cultural and geographical coordinates!
So put away your serious or thinking caps aside…read on…and have a laugh….
Which one of the 10 moms are you, then?
- The all in control Ma:
She seems to be getting it all! She has unlocked the mysteries of Nirvanama from Day 1 it seems. If you check out her FB pick of the delivery room, she is in control and has a smile. If you ask her about early mothering days, she says she was happy and calm. If you see what she is feeding her toddler, its usually gourmet …which she has cooked on her own! You whatsapp her at 2 pm, she replies. You whatsapp her at 1am, she replies! Her baby is always clean, hair is combed and nails cut. She seems to be at that pedestal…up above…all the time…smiling! While you pull your hair apart, wondering how she does it!!! Bit irritating, sometimes actually! And while you are getting all jealous and irritated….you look back…and she is there…smiling! Quit it already Lady!!! Aaaarggghhhhh
“Bhartiya Nari” (BN) scale: 0/10- how can a good mother be calm!!!
“Nirvanama” (NM) scale: 10/10- if you really are that calm, Lady….like all the time ….here is your Nirvanama trophy!!!
- The bikini babe Ma:
While you reading up on how to reduce cellulite even after you toddler is almost four, and rushing to all these gyms, and buying “smartly” styled clothes that hide the problem areas, this mom seems to have the metabolism of an alien and is already back to her pre-pregnancy weight on her baby’s first bday bash. You are left wondering if she has the money for a liposuction! Or you want to steal a quick glance at her medicine cabinet to see which wonder pill she is having…is it the one whose ad popped up last night when you were watching…eh……how do I put it tastefully…..age appropriate, tastefully shot, artistic (and sometime educative) videos!
BN scale: 0/10 again! How can a good mother be thin? When did she get time to exercise? And why does she want to be thin? What did you say….so that she feels good? How can a good mother think about herself!! Hawwwww
Nirvanama scale: 8/10 if you got that hot-bod through healthy ways. 2 points cut coz I am so jealous of you!
- The multi-tasker Ma:
While you are struggling to get your baby ready for school and have a cook and a full time maid already, this lady is ready for office, is strapping her baby in the car seat to drop him off to school on her way to work and hot yummy breakfast is already on the table at home for mother-in-law dear! And yes, to top it up….she has no cook too….coz her child should only eat what she cooks herself!
Good for you lady….good for you!
BN scale: 9/10- dutiful bahu (daughter in law), good mother and does everything for the baby on her own including washing the veggies that she feeds him.
1 point cut coz oh my god! How can a good mother have a career!
Nirvanama scale– 10/10- if you doing all this without getting stressed, killing yourself and out of choice….you go gal!
- The fashionista Ma:
Her Fb profile pic- impeccable. Her party pics: Gorgeous Her nails: Always manicured.
No beard or moustache on this face, momma!
She seems to be always prim and proper. No puke stains. Her hair is set. Her clothes are pressed. She seems to be ready for the ramp. Her handbag and shoes match her dress….if she goes for a jog…her bloody wristband is also color coordinated!
When you are planning to go out and you hear her door opening, you delay your plans for 5 minutes coz you don’t want to be mistaken for a haggard by being in the same space as she is!
BN scale: 0/10- if you have time to put on lipstick….means you are not devoting enough time to your baby!
Nirvanama scale: 10/10- if your baby is clean and bathed….you have all the right to go crazy on yourself babes! You look nice! Start a mom-fashion blog!
- The mothering-not-yet-sunk-in Ma:
She is the one who has not really got to terms with her change of status. She is still struggling with motherhood. Still doesn’t know what to cook. Still behaves like she is single. And I even heard she forgot her baby at the mall the other day!
BN scale: Unconscious!
Nirvanama scale: 2/10- its not “uncool” to be a mom. Get a grip lady! Yes, you might hate being called an Aunty which happens way too often once you have an infant in your lap…but…. Act out your role well. The returns are fabulous! 2 points to you to encourage you to start trying!!
- The I-am-a mom Ma:
She has no time for a coffee with friends, wont come on the dance floor at the wedding, has to sleep early, wont reply to your messages, doesn’t check her FB and has forgotten her skype ID….coz …..she is a mom now!
BN scale: 10/10- ideal women…coz women= mother. And mother= no human traits of social life should exist.
Nirvanama scale: 0/10- if you continue like this you are the first one who is gonna hear it from your baby when the constant mothering turns into Smothering! Its just an S…u realize…Mother and Smother….difference is just an S…and you better not be that ASS!
- The holier-than-thou Ma:
I am a mom…I have direct access to Holiness. I know it all. I have a sixth sense. I can advice on anything. I have decoded the meaning of life. Yes…I am better than you coz you are not a mother. You know nothing, your existence is worthless.
BN scale: Doing the high five!
Nirvanama scale: BOOOOOOOO. Shame on you lady! We are all women first. Lets support each other! For once!
- The over-achiever Ma:
Her degrees on the mantle make you wanna hide somewhere. She has an opinion about everything- world politics, science, business and books. Her baby seems to be in a three-piece already! I think he also has a salary account somewhere!
BN scale: 0/10- utter rubbish. Mother is mother. Who cares about education! And why does she have time to read the newspaper! Bad mother!
Nirvanama scale: 10/10- keeping your passion alive. And taking out time for them…knowing that getting an education means continuously expanding your knowledge even after the degrees are framed and hung on a mantle! Good job lady!
- The hippie Ma:
She is a wanderer. Has taken her 2 year old to the Alps. Society doesn’t bother her. She is thinking of getting another tattoo. The most important aspect of her mothering is that her baby should feel free…not chained. She is distanced from what winning bread means. Her music is more important. She is in a different world. and she wants her baby to sail with her too.
BN scale: Excuse me, what??????
Nirvanama scale: 10/10- as long as you know what you doing for the baby is in her best interest…..go for it! If you are true to yourself, your mothering will be genuine too! No judging mothering styles that are different from yours!
- The I-spy Ma:
You will find her lingering around the school gates even an hour after school gets over. She is overhearing what other kid’s have got on their grades. She is interviewing the mother whose kid stood first in the fancy dress. She is finding out where the top student of the class goes for tuition. She is even asking the security guard of the school about which teacher has the best reputation for making the students top-achievers. All this while her son in Nursery-B is just puzzled and standing in the sun, hoping to get a popsicle soon!
BN scale– 10/10- unless you don’t put pressure on your 3 year old to excel in studies….what is he gonna become? A cricketer?
“But papa, Sachin is also a cricketer! He was 10th fail.”
“Exactly you fool. If he were good in studies he would have become doctor and made his parents proud!”
Nirvanama scale: 0/10- we all want our kids to do well. But they should do well in what THEY are good at. Not what OTHER kids are doing. If you know what your kid loves, you will not have to push him or worry so much about him taking interest!
This was just a fun post at putting some more things about mothering into perspective.
We would love to hear your funny comments on what you thought about this post.
Keep it funny. Coz having a sense of humor is a crucial part of becoming “Nirvanama”