Google Vs Mommy

Google has one of the most interesting stories about how it was set-up. Two grad students at Standord, Brin and Page, changed the way internet is used today by developing this amazing search engine. So much so that Google is now a verb.

If we don’t know the answer to something we just advise our friends to “Google it.”

Google seems to know it all!

However Google is actually just a tool. Its a web-crawler that matches your search terms with the vast data on the internet and publishes the best matches for you.

Google is a software. And like any other product, there are also ideal ways to use it to its optimum. It is not a psychic telepath who can read your mind. Nor is it an individual with a brain sitting inside your computer.

Google has some codes and programming it runs by. It searches the web based on some algorithm. To use Google to the best of its potential its good to have some working knowledge about the algorithm Google uses. For e.g., did you know that Google does not use articles (a, an, the) and conjunctions (and, if, but) in its searches. This was done to increase the speed of searching the net.

That is why typing full sentences like “How to make my 4 month old baby girl sleep through the night?” is as good as searching “ 4 month baby sleep throughout night” because finally it is these keywords that Google uses to search for your earlier long sentenced question. Needless to say using a question mark at the end of the sentence is also not going to get you better results! Unlike your husband, Google is not confused by whether you are asking or informing!

The other day I was thinking about mothering and how it shares stark similarities with Google.

Though mothering is the most natural thing that comes to us when we deliver a baby, we are also lost at many points. There are innumerable blogs, books and online resources about various aspects of mothering.

But if mothering is such a natural thing then why are parenting books and blogs one of the biggest selling businesses in the world? Why do parenting related searches top the list of internet searches?

Its because most of us don’t know the software by which mothering runs. Just like when you know Google as a software and know its codes you end up using it better than anybody else, same goes for mothering.

We are forgetting the basic rules governing mothering. We are unaware of the evolution of motherhood. We know nothing bout the wiring in mothers’ brain that guides them through the journey.

Hence we are not able to optimise this process and turn to Google for help!

Mothering is a pure skill. It is supposed to flow in you once you become a mom. Look at other mammals- dogs, cats, wolves, elephants- they all mother without Google. And they do an equally good job as us. That is why their species is surviving and is not extinct yet! So clearly you don’t need external guidance when it comes to mothering.

But then why do we? Its because we, humans, have been actually so conditioned by outwardly rules and society that we have lost touch with our pure inner self.

At some point or the other haven’t you all wished that our kids came with a manual?

Well, guess what!! They do. And its called MATERNAL INSTINCT.

Its just that we don’t tap into our instincts because the voice of our instincts gets drowned by outwardly rules, society, advice, suggestions and various other external stimulus including random posts about mothering we read on Facebook.

All the books and searches we do will be in vain if we know how to keep the conditioned mind out of our mothering process. If we know how to tap our maternal instinct. If we don’t let the voice of our instinct die.

But this requires guts. Because many a times our instinct tells us stuff that is contradictory to popular belief and societal theories.

But mothers are strong and would do anything to raise their kids well, won’t we

So lets promise ourselves that we will allow our maternal instincts to guide us. We will follow them to a T. We will train our hearts and minds to block outwardly conditioned stimuli and bring up our kids based on our pure instincts.

However this brings up many questions:

How do we do this? What really is instinct? Is it true all the time? What does it mean to tap into our instincts? How do we keep away from conditioned thoughts and stimuli?

One post will be too short to do justice to the power of maternal instinct. So follow me as I continue with more posts about this topic. Come join me as I embark this journey of discovering, analysing and incorporating maternal instinct into our lives.

Till then, let your “gut feeling” guide you and rule you. It is your best companion in your journey of motherhood. Make it your best friend.

We will talk more in the next post……?

(This post was first published in http://www.mycity4kids.com)

“Substituting mom”-the new parenting trend?

Mothering is not an easy job. The ups and downs in the journey can get the better of anyone. You need to be strong yet soft, polite yet firm, accepting while disciplining- all at the same time.

So if you have had thoughts of leaving it all and running off to the Himalayas at some point or the other, you are not the only one!

Mothering sure is overwhelming!

Parenting is getting more complex in the modern society with the internet, social media and youtube posing as potential threats to our childrens’ health. However there is another change in the modern society that is influencing and changing parenting without being very obvious upfront.

Couples nowadays have the luxury and buying capacity to buy many conveniences and luxuries to make their parenting journey smoother, easier and less manic. Be it in the form of gadgets and equipment or keeping 3 extra maids at home, many urban couples can afford these. Then there are daycares, activity classes and what not to help your child get through the day.

While it is nice that the Indian middle class is becoming financially stronger, how beneficial is it in terms of parenting is another debate.

To put things in an easy (and unoffending) version let me say that it sure is great to get some time off from the kids in a day to unwind and relax. Physical gadgets allow your kid some entertainment without having you to be involved directly. The dedicated nanny plays and feeds your kid all day because thats all she is paid for! The activity classes again give your child some great exposure and time-off from the routine while you get some time alone too.

What we are forgetting, however, is these luxuries that we can easily afford now are meant to make our life easier as a mom and NOT to substitute us as moms.

Unfortunately these luxuries are doing just that- replacing mothers in the lives of the kids!

Come summer break and we are frantically looking for camps to put our kids in. The logic? Its better the kid does something constructive with her time than watch Youtube all day! But the (ugly) and unsaid reality? We don’t know what to do with our kids if they are left to us for the entire 24 hrs! And no please don’t think I am blaming you. I am equally guilty as charged!

We are always on the look-out for some back-up to take care of our kids- grand parents or nannies. The logic? So that the kid is not entirely dependent on you and can be taken care of incase you need to step out of the house- for work or for leisure. The ugly truth? The minute we do land such a nanny, occasional help slowly leads to daily bathing, feeding, care-taking being done by her.

The huge screen time debate is not without reason. My own daughter spends more than an hour everyday on youtube and I must say I am not proud of it. How does it all start? The logic? All her friends do it so we can’t absolutely isolate her and hell, there are some great videos on youtube that are educational. The ugly truth? When we are tired or don’t have time, we just hand over the iPad to the baby so that she remains busy for an hour without bothering us!

No there is nothing wrong in keeping nannies, enrolling your kid in some activity class or letting her have her screen time. But the point we are loosing touch with is that these are meant just for those times when we are really not upto it. Those rare times when we are too exhausted to carry on as a mom for a second longer. But what these luxuries have become are parasites that are slowly eating away into the traditional set-up of mothering.

We, as mothers, are using these luxuries so that we have to mother less each day.

Like it or not, we are allowing ourselves to be substituted in the lives of our kids! And how can that have any good outcome?

It is very tempting. I know it because I have been there. I have given into the temptation of the clean nice loving nanny feeding my kid all her meals so that I can watch TV (or write my blog on mothering!! Ironical, right?)

It is natural to want to give in and sit and relax if there is someone willing to take on our job. We tell ourselves that we deserve this break.

Mothering is an active job. It involves giving your child lot of time, physical contact and attention. The breaks you can and should afford are minimal. Then why are we all looking for an easy way out?

We knew it was going to be tough, right?

We need to be very careful to keep a check on whether these luxuries are taking over some of our job as mom or are they taking over our role as mom? And we need to keep this balance in control so that we don’t end up unknowingly substituting ourselves in the lives of our kids.

(This article first appeared on http://www.mycity4kids.com on 14th July 2016)

This type of mothering is the best

Having talked and interacted with many moms and studied various parenting styles across different cultures, I think I can safely claim to have found the holy grail of mothering. The one foolproof mothering technique that is unparallel. It can never fail you or your child.

You might think that something that is so powerful must be very difficult to achieve. Well! The good news is that it is not! Really, it is the simplest little trick that can escalate you to the epitome of good mothering! Excited? Dying to know the secret elixir of mothering? Here you go ladies…..

The best mothering technique is “MINIMAL MOTHERING.”  You heard me right, gals! The best mother is the one that is least involved! I am not advocating total abandonment and disregard for your child. I am suggesting something that I like to call “mothering from a distance.”

Modern parenting has become very suffocating. We are always hovering over our kids physically, emotionally or mentally. We are there to jump in and help our toddler with that last piece of the puzzle she is struggling with. We are always there to buck up our kids with phrases that we think will help in elevating her self esteem like “Good job.” “You are the best.” “Awesome princess you are!” And to boost our toddlers mental capacity we enrol him into Vedic maths classes or make him join a brain camp (yes! Such things exist!). We are doing it with good intention of course. As parents we feel responsible for our child’s development and future. Hence we encourage him with our cheering, we enrol him into various activities to ensure he is getting an all round development and we try to raise a secure individual by making sure we are there for him physically as much as possible.

What harm there is then, you ask? Frankly truth be told, even I have been through this whole parenting attitude because I thought I should do what is in the best of my capacity. And also because everyone else around me was doing it too. So why should my child be left behind?

But if there is no harm doesn’t mean that there is good either. If you ask me I think                   modern parenting is like running on a treadmill. You are running for sure. But you are not getting anywhere!

Planning and preparing so much for our child’s present and future is based on the belief that we can actually control and modify our child’s future with our actions in the present. I would call that very optimistic. Considering the fact that we actually have no control on how anybody’s life unfolds.

Is there no correlation between a Harvard degree and a top paying job? Yes, probably there is a direct correlation. I don’t mean that. But see the argument inside out. Is there no highly paid person from a B grade local college? There are those too. And quite a few.

What I mean to say is that our fixation about sending our children to the best of school, getting them the best of scores and swarming their resumes with extra circular activities is just building a good resume, not a good child.

Modern parenting fixates a lot on what the child does rather than what the child is.

Teach your child love for knowledge and curiosity. She will go on to apply to Harvard on her own when the time comes.

Teach your child responsibility and duties. She will soar high on the corporate ladder on her own then.

Teach your child the importance of happiness and peace. You shall have a warrior in the worst circumstances automatically.

Because what you are is a parent. Not a coaching institute. Not a tutor. Not a corporate employer.

You have to raise a child, not a resume.

And all that I have listed that a parent needs to teach can be done through simple examples. When your child sees you as a loving, caring, responsible and empathetic person he himself imbibes that. No need for any micromanagement after that.   That is exactly what mothering from a distance means. Go on teaching your child by setting an example through yourself, answer his queries if she has any and let nature take its own course after that.

You will have a much happier healthier and smarter child then. Will he get into Harvard? I still cant guarantee that. But I sure can guarantee that he will be a success in whatever he sets his hands on.

(This article was first published in http://www.mycity4kids.com on 1st jun 2017.)

Why Being A Strong Mother Is So Difficult And Yet So Important

 

 

(This article appeared first on http://www.mycity4kids.com on 26th April 2017)

It is not easy being a strong independent opinionated woman.

Society always tells its kids (boys or girls) not to “stand out”. Spaghetti tops get more eve teasing. Cant you wear a normal top? Girls who are chatty with boys are giving out a signal that you are available. Cant you be like the other girls? Boys who wear a pink scarf will always be laughed at. Cant you just put a grey thing around your neck?

Conform, conform , conform. We are always taught to conform or else we shall be attracting unwanted attention.

It is this “not fitting into a set mould” about strong independent opinionated women that gets them such harsh treatment from the society. However there is a little caveat here. Being strong doesn’t mean bullying anybody. Being independent doesn’t mean being apathetic or nonchalant towards others people’s need. Similarly being opinionated doesn’t mean that you are always right.

A SIOW (strong independent opinionated woman) is at ease with herself. She is a great listener because it is through observation and listening that she derives the knowledge and ability to analyze situations life throws at her. She is not the one who wins all arguments or has the last laugh. She knows she is always in learning mode and is not eager to defeat anyone in anyway. She has no fear in her heart or shame in her eyes because she does no wrong to anybody. She lives by her own rules. She tries not to hurt anybody by doing so. If she makes a mistake on her way she is humble to apologize and courageous enough to do her time. She has a right to opinion because she has lived her life on her terms and not what she was told or taught to do. Yet she is accommodating and accepting of other peoples’ beliefs because she knows how important it is to live by ones’ own beliefs. She has experimented with things that she did not understand. She has questioned stuff that doesn’t seem right to her. She has abandoned baggage that she felt is unnecessary. A SIOW may be many things but what she is not is a slave. She is not a slave to anyone. Not to society. Not to any of its establishments. Not to the people in it and definitely not to all the synthetic outcomes people in the society have made up over the years like religion, rituals, societal norms etc.

Many people who read the description of a SIOW as I just described above are already painting her to be a pain in the ass, non-relenting, difficult woman who would probably be even a divorcee. Actually..not probably…SURELY a divorcee. Who will want to stay with such a woman?

And that’s why it is so difficult to be a SIOW in the first place. You get a lot of flak from society. There are miniscule amount of men who can truly love and accept a SIOW and I think even more miniscule amount of women who like a SIOW.

Yet SIOWs are what we need if we need to build a better world. Women not only give birth to the individuals who form a society they also have the power to mould a society. The way a SIOW raises a child is really healthy. The child is independent, has a thinking mind, questions things around him/ her and doesn’t give in to popular practise and beliefs just for the heck of it.

Think of all the revolutionaries you know and adore. Mahatma Gandhi, Raja RamMohun Roy, Mother Teresa,Swami Vivekanand, Suu Kyi. Name any revolutionary and you will see the traits of a strong independent and opinionated person who had the courage to question society and the will power to transform it.  Forget big names. The girls who refuse to marry where there is a dowry demand are transformers of the society too. The boys who don’t look at girls in western clothes as bait are transformers of the society too. The couple who doesn’t care about religion before falling in love are transformers of the society too. Their thinking is beyond silly things. They see people for who they are not on what they wear, eat or pray to.

A hindi proverb says “Honhaar birvaan ke hoth cheekne paat.” This means that a precious child shows his traits early in life. If you read the biography of any great revolutionary, a common trait among all is that these agents of transformation showed immense courage from childhood itself. And a lot had to do with them having strong mothers.

Hence being a SIO mother is extremely important in raising kids who can bring about a positive change in society and the world. Learn to be strong no matter what the society says. It is surely difficult. Your family and your kids will also have to hear a lot of stuff being said about you. But in the end you will have the satisfaction of living a life on your terms and also do immense service to the society by raising a strong independent kid too.

So mommies have a thinking mind. Raise kids with thinking and questioning capacity. Remember that when you die everything dies with you. Your heart, lungs, kidney stop functioning. Your clothes remain where they were. Your bank balance also becomes just a set of numbers. But not your mind. Your ideas and your thoughts are passed down and remembered years after you are gone. They impact your kids decades after you die. So raise your mind to be strong. It shall have the maximum impact on your kids and hence the world.

MOTHER YET SINGLE!

This article is part of the series of “Dark Mothering” where we have decided to be brave and talk about the days of mothering that are not bright and sunny. Last post we spoke about Post Partum Depression. And this time I have picked up a topic that has been part of our lives at some point or the other- Feeling alone as a mother even after being surrounded by people!

MOTHER YET SINGLE

This is a phenomenon that starts during pregnancy. Even though our husband and family are around us, we feel alone sometimes. This state can escalate to the point where some women have to seek clinical help for their depression or anxiety!

Why is this feeling of “abandonment” so prevalent? Why do most of us go through pregnancy feeling low instead of being alive and happy?

Part of it can be sincerely attributed to hormones. As it is women are hormonally complex. Add 10 times of roller coasting hormones to the mix and you get a pregnant women! So yes the sudden bipolar moods and crying at the tip of a hat is largely our hormones playing poke-HER with us!

What about the rest? There are some genuine family scenarios where unfortunately we are at loggerheads with some members. Something as tiny as whether to swaddle the baby or not can lead to a huge controversy. We as mothers feel completely equipped to make decisions about our baby based on instincts. Those around us share fables of their experiences and declare a certain way as correct. Tempers rise. Words are exchanged. And we just feel lost, alone and almost cheated of motherhood!

What do you do when the family you depend on for support is not behaving in a trophy winning manner? And believe me, I have had enough stories pour into nirvanamaa@gmail.com urging me to write about how to handle the situation of “difficult” in-laws and husband not taking “my” side esp during pregnancy.

Well, like for most of the times when the going gets tough, my first piece of advice is to take a deep breath, relax and remove yourself from the conflictive situation. Reacting when tempers are high on either side can never be beneficial. You often end up saying mean horrible things yourself which you regret later. So best is to not say anything. Take yourself away from the scenario and think when you are cooled down.

Once you are alone, relaxed and calm from the anger bout you just had, think about your situation. More often than not you will realize that the topic of discussion was certainly mundane and doesn’t require you in your particular sensitive state of pregnancy to be involved in the battle. So my next advice to anyone who feels lack of support from family is “Choose your battles”. During pregnancy, you are in such a state that you don’t need to take more stress than you already have. So you don’t need to reply, react or retaliate to everything. Some things have to be “just let be!”

The next best thing to start off as a habit is meditate or do yoga. There are some good ante-natal classes that teach you some calming breathing techniques and meditation that just make your over-all self more relaxed and calm. Over a few months of regular meditation, you will find yourself less and less perturbed in general. I suggest making yoga/meditation a regular part of your life- pregnant or not!

If you do find yourself in a situation where you cant tear yourself away from the situation physically because you feel that you walking away will just aggravate tempers, I find the best way to end a debate is to politely agree to the other party. I am not saying to take all their suggestions into action, I am just saying that saying “Ok. I agree.” Is the best way to put any debate at rest. Whether you do that or not, is a later issue. But in the heat of the moment just agreeing with your opponent will leaver her with nothing more to say. Let me give you an example. Suppose you are in youor 7th month and your mother-in-law feels that you should have more “white” things in your diet so that the baby is fair (believe me, I have heard such stories too!) just go ahead and say “OK.” It doesn’t mean you concede to such notions or you will not love a wheatish skin baby! It just means that your peace of mind is more important to you than explaining to an already blocked mind about how scientifically and ethically wrong she is! Even if someone has come with an intent to battle it out with you, the minute you say “OK fine”, they are left at loss of words. They have come with the hope that you will rebel then they will say something, then you will retaliate and it will be a nice long hour battle. But you said “ok” in the first minute. So there is nothing more they can say. An hour long battle has been reduced to a minute! It might look like they have “won” because you conceded to their demand. But in the long run, you got your peace of mind and avoided a stress full situation. For a pregnant lady, there can’t be a more winning situation than this!

Keep your peace of mind utmost! I cant offer better sincere advice for pregnancy. Your ego, ideals and opinion should take a backseat to your peace of mind. If sitting with your heels up as advised by your mom-in-law is helping avoid an altercation, just do it. It cant do you harm. Plus it will avoid any stressful argument. The only one thing to remember for a happy pregnancy and a resulting happy child is “Nothing supercedes my peace of mind”. If it means swallowing my pride for nine months, I shall do it. You should be above all other petty things. Only and only peace and no-stress should be your mantra! All other battles can wait, for atleast 9 months!

So next time you find yourself in a stressful situation with a loved one or otherwise, just say OMMM and remember to keep your peace above all!

 

Depressing Motherhood – “Dealing with Post Partum Depression”

Depressing and Motherhood are usually not used together. Its like a social taboo to use anything other than the rainbow happy adjectives with motherhood. Yes, agreed. The happiness and joy is just overwhelming. I cant think of myself a day without my daughter and I have a lot to thank motherhood too. It has made me a much better human being, it has given me meaning and of course it has given me a blog

Yet, I don’t agree with the monochrome happy color that society paints motherhood with. There are, if not more, at least 50 shades of gray that motherhood can be painted in!

As part of series of articles about “Dark mothering” where I promised my readers to talk about the darker days of motherhood that are as real as the other days, lets start with something most of us deal with- Post partum depression.

On one hand where all moms who have newly delivered are posting happy pictures with tears of joy hugging and kissing their babies, you are feeling like a mess. You hate yourself and everybody around you. Unfortunately, including your baby! And you feel horrible, guilty, inadequate and a total failure as a mom!

You cry at the drop of a hat. You hate talking to people. You don’t want to see your husband. And any guests arriving to see the baby is just the tipping point where you want to scream and run away!

Your body and mind are feeling this but your social conditioning just keeps telling you how wrong you are to feel this way. How can a mother not be happy? To top it up, your husband and loved ones also don’t understand why you are behaving like a maniac.

Oh! Only and if only, you had known about post partum depression and known that it is as real as giving birth. Its likely to be your constant companion in the early days post delivery. And you will have to live with it.

But isn’t there a way out?

Well, for starters, I always feel that knowing, understanding and accepting something is the best way to deal with it.

So here are some facts about PPD (post partum depression):

  1. It’s due to a hormonal interplay in your body. Its nothing that you are doing on purpose! (Pre-warn the Mom-in-law about this!!)
  2. It cant go away by trying or wishing. Like all other biochemical processes in your body, its something that you cant dismiss by trying very hard!
  3. Its common and happens to other women too. A survey indicates that upto 25% of post partum mothers undergo depression.

 

 

  1. However, its fairly uncommon too. Good news is that you don’t have to prepare yourself for an upcoming depressive episode for sure. Remember, 75% of the mothers DON’T get PPD. That’s a good number, isn’t it
  2. Its temporary. Like most gray clouds, the silver lining is that its temporary.

 

The most important aspect to remember and educate those living with you is that you are not causing PPD to happen to you. It just happens. You cant deal with it by “not thinking about it.” Its hormones messing with your brain. You cant think or wish for them to not!

PPD is as much a biological process as your heart pumping blood. Just like you cant make an ongoing heart attack go away just by wishing hard, you cant make PPD go away by wishing so. You need to take action

 

 

So if you happen to be in the 25% category that do fall prey to PPD, what do you do about it.

 

  1. Support from family: Its always best to have a family and spouse you can expect support from. You can get your gynae brief your spouse about a futuristic possibility of PPD during your last few pre-natal visits. Hearing it from a doc will probably help in expressing the seriousness and reality of the situation.
  2. Don’t blame yourself: We all wish for a happy post partum picture where its all smiles and joy. However, its ok if its not. I was not up for a selfie the minute I delivered. And its perfectly fine if you are not. If you are feeling emotions contrary to the ones you were hoping and expecting, don’t punch yourself about it. They are emotions. They are hormone controlled. And right now, hormones have a black magic kind of hold on you. So let yourself be.
  3. Curb unnecessary visits: We all hate the random strangers who come up to see your baby post delivery. And you are expected to sit up and greet and smile and make small chat each time the doorbell rings. It can be exhausting, right? If you have an understanding set of people around you, its best to tell them clearly that you need your rest and probably fix a time. Say, if anyone visits between 2pm-6pm, they should not be allowed in your room as you want to nap. The baby can be taken out to be showered with blessings. But not you!
  4. Breastfeed: Though there is no medical evidence on it, breastfeeding your baby at short intervals just helps uplift your mood. Make eye contact with her. Talk to her. Watch the magic you have delivered! Its all a mood pumper!

Also, you can talk whatever it is you are really feeling with your baby. Believe me, a 2 day old wont know head or tail when you say ,”Mommy feels like crying all the time! And I don’t want to! Coz I love you so much!” but you saying it out loud will just make you feel better. Also, breastfeeding is the best way to get out of meeting unwanted visitors. “Oh she is feeding the baby” is enough to stop any visitor from coming to you! Hehehe…evil laughter!

  1. Call over positive people: In the West there are many care groups and support groups for PPD moms. However, I am yet to find one in India. But don’t worry! Your best pals can do the same for you right in the convenience of your home. One of my besties was there with me when I delivered. She visited me during my early mommy days. I think I owe a lot of my post partum happiness to her. You laugh, reminiscence those college days and best of all- talk about what you are really going through. And if your bestie was as non-judgemental and eager to just listen to you without offering any advice as mine was, half the PPD battle is won!
  2. Massage: As modern women, we don’t like to follow some old wives’ therapies. But I am a standing testimony that they do help. Getting regular massages just makes you feel so happy! Wearing a scarf on your head, not going out for 40 days, tying a tight belt around your waist, eating those “Gond” ke ladoo, having the yummy Panjiri…..i don’t know if they work. But it surely does uplift your mood.
  3. Ask for help: Though we all want to be epitomes of super moms who have everything in control, asking for ask much help without feeling guilty is the mantra during the early motherhood days. Getting your mother, in-laws, friends, husband, nanny, maids to help you out on a daily basis is a good idea, especially during the first 1-2 months of new mothering! It just makes the pressure go away from your head. And after 2 months, you can do all you want to be the super mom!
  4. Shed the Damsel in distress look: Get up and do your eye make-up if you want, walk around a little bit, get chatty with your friends, pick up a good wardrobe to wear post delivery- do whatever makes you happy. Being a new mom doesn’t mean having a haggard look and a miserable life! Motherhood doesn’t make you weak or vulnerable. If anything, it gives you the key to strengths that you never knew you had! You are a tigress for your baby! Feel empowered!

These are the thoughts that I could put together to help my friends who have or are undergoing PPD. As a Nirvanama, I would love to hear you out and know more about your experience with PPD. Your comment might help another mom overcome her battle!

Leave your comment below or email me at nirvanamaa@gmail.com

Come join and help me build a HAppy MOthers Gang #hamoga

Dark Mothering

Motherhood is such an amazing experience. Its life changing. Its joyous. Its unparallel. Its empowering. Its emotional. Its flabbergasting.

I could go on with the adjectives and yet not be able to encompass the entire journey that motherhood is.

However, there are some adjectives that are as much a reality of motherhood but are much less spoken or talked about- painful, exhausting, (post partum) depressing, helplessness etc.

Motherhood has been painted in such vivid bright and loving colors by society, media and bizhouses that its almost taboo to disucss the “DARK SIDE OF MOTHERING”

As a Nirvanama, you should be clear to know the downsides of mothering so that you can enjoy the upsides even more. Its always best to know the whole deal to be able to enjoy the whole deal and not be taken by surprise! Believe me, even our mothers don’t pass on the “downs” of mothering to us. Its all about bright sunny happy days!

However, not talking about it doesn’t mean its not there.

So lets be strong gals! Lets be brave and talk our heart out about Dark Mothering

The issues I shall be covering the coming articles are listed. Please feel free to leave any topic I might have missed out in the comment box or email me at nirvanamaa@gmail.com

  1. Post partum depression
  2. Lack of family support
  3. Emotional and physical exhaustion
  4. Dealing with too much advice/suggestions/criticism
  5. Living in constant fear about the well being of our kids
  6. Having a differently abled child
  7. Those horrible days of sickenss and hospitals
  8. Having siblings that hate each other
  9. Having kids who are unappreciative of you

We all go through one or more of these issues during our journey as a mother. And its best to talk about these and what we can do to overcome those painful moments.

Coz motherhood is not always about tears of joy. Its also about real, painful tears running down our cheeks so many times.

An ode to those latter tears that are too taboo to be talked about which makes them even more miserable!

Nirvanamas- lets talk about and support our sisters in pain. And let them know that its real, its there- but the pain of motherhood is too small in front of the gain of motherhood.

Before I start my series of “Dark mothering” articles over the next few days, lets start by saying:

Cheers to moms!